From the Review Files of myfailsafe
by menolly1019
Summary: Crackfic! SasuNaru.  What happens when Naruto accidentally lets the secret of Kyuubi slip to Sasuke?  The author is involved in the conversation, perverted Genma has been borrowed, Gaara is VERY upset, how did a gun get there?, and general nonsensicalness


_**A/N:**__ Here we go folks. This is not exactly my first fanfiction piece, but it's the first that has managed to get finished, revised, and posted. I won't ask you to be kind in your reviews since those of you that are decent people will already be kind even in criticism. The rest of you, I know I can't change your attitude, so I won't bother trying. See, by saying that I won't ask you to be nice, I have put the idea in your heads without seeming too pathetic. Clever, aren't I::dodges rotten vegetables:: _

_**Dedication:**__ I was being silly in the author's notes, but __this__ is not at all a joke. My first work that anyone will read is dedicated to __**my mother**__. She gave me 17 years, 6 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days of love and support. She was the one who looked over all my school essays and the one who taught me my love of reading and writing. She passed from me on June 15, 2007, but I know that she'd be proud of me._

_This is also dedicated to __**Kat**__. She was my first and only (as of now) friend on fanfiction. She's crazy in some of the same ways as I am and she's probably my best friend. Thanks to her for her support and I'm sure that many chapters will be dedicated to her in the future._

_This is also also dedicated to **myfailsafe** ::wink::because without the story **A Little Less Than Forgotten**, I would never have written the review that started this story._

_**Disclaimer: Kishimoto-san**__ is a very selfish man. He refuses to give me my beloved Naruto, so all I can settle for is this imitation. ::sticks out tongue:: Seriously though, these wonderful characters are his and I also have to give a shout-out to __**FastForward **__from whom I borrowed perverted-Genma and his counterpart Raidou._

_**Warnings: **There aren't really any spoilers unless you don't know something about the basic relationships of the characters. All pairings are made by me without knowledge of the canon pairings. There are very mild cuss words as well as hints at some of the worse ones. Mentions of sex, and sounds, but nothing graphic in the least. A little making fun of 'emo' and of the characters. That's it._

_**Tip: **If the word is 'Ahh' with only one 'a' it is referring to fear. If it is 'Aahh' with two or more 'a's it has a more sexual nature. Unn and ooh are also used in a sexual nature along with a couple others I might be forgetting. Read the :: things as actions instead of what someone is saying. You'll understand why the fic starts out the way it does if you read the ending A/N. Sorry about having to type out star and some of the formatting, but ff dot net is evil._

**From the Review Files of myfailsafe:**

Umm, for all my talk of staying on to be literarily-hyper, I have now run out of ideas.

"Have you ever seen a turtle get down?" "Ninja, Ninja, Rap" "Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go!" "Give it up, for the heroes in green." "Ninja turtle that you gotta adore" "Villains, you better run and hide" "wee woo woo wee woo woo wow"

Can you believe that you can download the Ninja Turtle's Vanilla Ice Rap? It's awesome. Now officially off-track and headed for the quintessential canyon where the road runs out.

Well, it might just be time for me to give up.

**Naruto: **Never say that!

**Sasuke:** Normally I would disagree on principle since it's the dobe, but because of my brother, I agree. You can't let anything get in your way. Not even killing your best friend to get power.

**Menolly1019:** Uhh, yeah. ::adjusts glasses:: And how do you feel about that Naruto?

**Naruto:** BASTAR-star!

**Sasuke:** WTF dobe. Why did you say, and I quote, 'Bastar-star!'?

**Naruto:** Kyuubi made me! Stupid fox. ::doubles up from stomach ache::

**Inner-Kyuubi:** Kit, you baka! I'm not stupid, you are. Sasuke didn't know about me yet, remember?

**Inner-Naruto:** ::pales:: Whoops?

**Inner-Kyuubi:** ::growls:: BIG WHOOPS!

**Menolly1019:** ::giggles:: And let's watch and see how things develop folks.

**Sasuke:** An explanation NOW, if you please. Actually, no. Not if you please. It'll be easier to beat it out of you. ::sharingan begins to spin::

**Menolly1019:** ::files nails during big fight scene:: Aren't you guys done yet?

::sighs::

**Naruto:** ::glares up at Sasuke who's sitting on top of Naruto in a provocative position:: Fine, you win. Gaa! I hate saying that! Anyway, I've got the Kyuubi sealed inside me Sasuke. Since you want to kill me only because I'm your best friend, I don't see how you can be upset over this. ::sulks and pouts::

**Sasuke:** It's also because you're annoying. ::says line absently as he remembers past mysteries and clicking noises are heard::

**Menolly1019:** Genma, you PERVERT! Stop it with the damn pictures! They are not having sex! At least not right now. ::mumbles to self::

**Naruto:** So what do you think Sasuke?

**Sasuke:** You're sexy. ::growls and locks lips with startled Naruto::

**Naruto:** Mmph!

**Menolly1019:** Who knew Sasuke was turned on by demons?

**Gaara:** ::Gaara raises hand as he randomly pops out from bushes::

**Gaara:** I…had some idea…from…past experiences.

**Genma:** REALLY! Naruto, you're such a slut! I'm soo proud!

**Menolly1019:** GENMA! Didn't I tell you to quit it!? Gaara, explain yourself.

**Gaara:** I…caught him…kissing the history book…that had a picture…of Shukaku. I …needed therapy…for a long time.

**Genma:** ::sighs in disappointment, but perks up as Sasuke's hands start to roam::

**Menolly1019:** ::snickers:: I know! I was the one who therapized you. Oww!

::flying Icha Icha Paradise hits her on head::

**Kakashi:** Iruka! You can't throw my book, even if we ARE having hot sex together in the bushes!

**Iruka:** But you're my boyfriend. I'm supposed to get liberties. Plus, she made up a word!

**Menolly1019:** No, I COPYWRIGHTED it!

**Genma:** ::rushes towards bushes, but can't speak because of enormous nosebleed::

**Gaara:** I…needed more…therapy…after you were…done.

**Naruto:** ::gasps::

**Sasuke:** ::smirks:: So you like that?

**Iruka:** ::screams like a girl::

**Kakashi: **GENMA!

::gunshot is heard::

**Menolly1019:** Where did he get a gun? It's well known in the Narutoverse that weapons are the least advanced thing in the shinobi world.

**Genma:** DOES IT REALLY MATTER! HE CAME AN INCH FROM MY PRECIOUS PEOPLE!

**Naruto:** ::head perks up at last part:: Huh?

**Sasuke:** Is that what he calls them? Naruto. ::growls:: I don't like it when your attention is distracted.

**Naruto:** ::moans::

**Menolly1019:** Oh! We're missing all the good SasuNaru smut because of you guys! Gaara, be a dear and go kill Genma for me.

**Gaara:** ::shudders with disgust and anticipation:: I'm not…a dear. But…a kill. ::contemplates:: Okay. ::starts to walk off, but stops dead::

**Menolly1019:** Now what?

**Haku:** ::pops out of tree and pulls mask off:: I was summoned by the mention of precious people. Since I played a huge role in the development of Naruto's ideals, but was killed of so quickly in the manga, fanficcers have tended to glorify me. And it's well deserved too!

**Genma:** Ahhhh- huh?

::runs through clearing with Iruka and Kakashi hot on his tail, but stops when he sees Haku::

**Iruka:** What's wrong with Gaara?

::Gaara is still standing still::

**Haku:** I put a senbon in so that he's been immobilized for awhile.

**Genma:** ::perks up at mention of senbon:: I think I'm in love. Hellooooo pretty girl!

**Naruto:** Not again.

**Sasuke:** You're not happy?

::pouts, but it's dark, so it's called angsting::

**Naruto:** Oh, NO! That's great!

::dreamy look:: It's just that Genma thinks Haku is a chick.

**Sasuke: **Does it matter?

::hickie quickly appears::

**Naruto:** ::shudders:: N-n-not really.

**Kakashi:** Sorry for killing you. ::remains nonchalant, which he's been the entire time except for when his book was thrown, it just wasn't mentioned::

**Haku:** Think nothing of it. I have Zabuza and you wouldn't believe the sex in Heaven!

**Menolly1019:** I haven't chimed in for awhile, but I have to ask. How did Zabuza end up in heaven?

::quirks eyebrow::

**Iruka:** Isn't it obvious? I've never even met them before, but I know it has to be the power of love!

**Kakashi:** ::edges away:: Have you been spending time with Gai again?

**Gai:** ::pops out of ground since places to pop out of are becoming short. believe this, you don't want to know what's planned for the next arrival:: I have finally found my eternal rival!

::shirt flies over and becomes draped over his victory sign::

**Menolly1019:** There goes the first of Naruto's clothing! Don't worry, we still have a bit before the really fun part begins. ::grins like a fox::

**Naruto:** Unn, hey ::talks shakily:: that's my bit!

**Sasuke:** Really?

::sooo very suggestive::

**Naruto:** Aah.

**Haku:** Do I really want to know?

::glances questioningly at Kakashi:: Hey! Where'd Kakashi go?

**Menolly1019:** Oh, he and Iruka ran off while we were talking. Kakashi was screaming something like 'Oh, Kami-sama, NO!'

**Gai:** What?! Now I have no one to be youthful with!

::crocodile tears poor out::

**Genma:** ::says nothing because he is still drooling over Haku::

**Gaara:** ::says nothing because he is immobile, but glares quite menacingly::

**Lee:** ::pops out of Gai's a-star-star:: I'm here for you sensei! The power of youth, like the power of love, shall never fade into the sunset, but will always bloom like the spring!

::sakura petals fall like rain in the background::

**Sasuke:** ::eye twitches:: What's up with the a-star-star thing. Talk regularly people. Damnit!

**Naruto:** Why is your mouth moving when it's not on mine?

**Sasuke:** It shouldn't be, should it?

::goes back to former occupation::

**Lee and Gai:** ::mumbling and crying in background::

**Menolly1019:** This is getting a little too crazy for me. I really don't want to miss all this SasuNaru smut!

**Neji:** ::walks out of trees:: Gai. Lee. There you are. Tenten and I have been waiting for our training. You're getting as bad as Kakashi.

**Menolly1019:** ::stares::

**Tenten:** ::popped out of woods when Neji came:: What are you staring at Neji for?

**Menolly1019:** He didn't pop out! He walked! Is that even allowed?

**Neji:** I don't pop. An exception was made. Be happy, I'm here to take Gai and Lee away. It is their fate to annoy me with crazy training. ::pushes Gai off through the woods while Tenten does the same to Lee::

**Tenten:** See ya later!

**Genma:** ::stops drooling and snaps out of it:: Hey there sweet thang. ::plays with mouth senbon in a way he thinks is sexy:: Why has a pretty mouth like yours been unused so much?

**Haku:** I don't know most of these people, sadly. I died before I could meet them.

**Genma:** Well, you could get to know me. ::tries to jump Haku, who is standing right in front of Gaara::

**Gaara:** ::is still immobile (which includes sand somehow), but his glare is very close to being deadly on its own::

**Raidou:** Genma, do you understand what an exclusive relationship means? It means YOU ONLY JUMP ME!

**Naruto:** Um, aah. Uh, unn...where did he come from?

**Menolly1019:** ::dodges Sasuke's flying shirt:: From FastForward's fics, Roommates and also Blood and Tears. Just like perverted Genma here.

**Haku:** It was…nice…meeting you Genma, but I think I'm rather glad I died when I did. I don't want to get to know the rest of this crazy cast. I think Zabuza's calling me. ::starts to turn see-through::

**Menolly1019:** ::nods:: Yep, it's time for you to leave Haku. Don't worry, we'll bring you back and worship you another time.

**Haku:** But- ::is cut off as he fades away completely::

**Genma:** NOOO! The senbon, the senbon!

::cries incoherently and inconsolably:: Oomph!

**Menolly1019:** ::is staring at Sasuke and Naruto, who are both shirtless but still not pantless, very intently:: You really shouldn't hit him so much Raidou. It'll give him a concussion and if he's like this now, I don't want to see him with a concussion.

**Raidou:** Oh, he's the type that's really horny when he's injured. But I didn't hit him. Turn around.

**Menolly1019:** Wha-. Oh, it's Akamaru. Hey Kiba, Hinata. Maybe Akamaru should get off of him?

**Kiba:** What the fu-star-star! Naruto? Sasuke?

**Hinata:** ::blushes and whimpers in mental anguish at the sight::

**Gaara:** ::becomes suspiciously less evil as he glares softly at Hinata who is in his view as Akamaru is basically where Haku was- right in front of Naruto and Sasuke::

**Sasuke: **::would say something about the damn stars, but has finally become too busy to care::

**Shino:** ::hops (as opposed to pops) down from a tree:: We WERE training Kiba.

**Genma:** Sounds kinky. I'm sure Kiba needs a lot of training, if you know what I mean. ::winks pervertedly:: Oww!

**Raidou:** ::sighs in satisfaction:: THAT time I hit him.

**Shino:** ::has blush on back of neck that can't be seen because of his high collar (why do you think he wears it?):: We must focus.

**Hinata:** ::so red she's about to faint because all the blood is in her face and not the rest of her body:: I-I a-a-gr-gr-ee.

**Akamaru:** Bark!

**Kiba:** I guess I don't really want to know anyway. ::miraculously is only member of Team 8 that has no blush whatsoever (yes, Kurenai is blushing in the village because she and Asuma are…doing something naughty. that's all we'll see of them)::

**Hinata:** B-b-ye N-n-a-r-r-r-uto! Ahhh!

::squeals as Akamaru takes off because of huge thunderbolt (she and Kiba have been sitting on his back)::

**Shino:** ::takes off after them and mumbles to himself:: It's sunny out, what's with the thunder?

**Menolly1019:** Hey, why have you and Raidou stopped talking Genma? Genma?

**Genma:** Busy right now!

**Raidou:** ::gasps:: He took me up on my invitation to jump me. He must have really liked that girl with the senbon because it took him well over 30 seconds to start ravishing me.

**Genma:** It's time for you to stop having breath to talk.

**Naruto and Sasuke:** ::grunt in background agreeably::

**Menolly1019: **Whatever, just move it to the side, will ya? I want to focus on my SasuNaru. Hey! Where'd they go? I heard them a minute ago.

**Sakura:** ::wandering through tree-tops with Sai:: C'mon, we have to make sure Naruto and Sasuke didn't kill each other! It's been way too long.

**Genma:** Necrophilia doesn't sound that bad. Oww!

**Menolly1019:** That's right, keep him in check Raidou!

**Sai:** Naruto probably castrated him by now. Too bad Sasuke couldn't return the favor. You know, because-

**Sasuke:** We get it! You don't have to say it!

**Naruto:** What did you say, you stupid Sasuke-with-shorter-hair-look-alike!!?

**Sakura:** ::screams and faints from seeing Naruto and Sasuke almost completely naked in the tree in front of her::

**Sasuke:** What are you staring at Menolly1019? We can have sex in a tree if we want. We ARE ninjas.

**Sai:** So he really does-

**Menolly1019: **::snaps and Sai disappears into thin air:: He's too graphic for this crackfic. We can stand vague mentions and flying clothing. Even curse words that have star substitutes. But I can't keep cutting him off forever. Uh, Sakura's about to hit the ground because she fell from the tree when she fainted.

**Naruto:** Good thing it was an uber-tall tree or she would have hit already.

**Sasuke:** Someone should really save her.

**Menolly1019:** Shut up and get back to where you were!

**Sasuke and Naruto:** Sorry. ::noises redouble in background as they start making out again (don't forget that Raidou and Genma are still making out too)::

**Ino:** ::comes out of nowhere and catches Sakura:: We Sasuke fangirls have to protect each other.

**Menolly1019:** You usually hate her. ::tilts head questioningly::

**Shikamaru:** ::saunters up:: They only have that protection rule when one of them is unconscious. Girls…troublesome.

**Chouji:** ::ambles in behind Shikamaru:: Crunch!

**Gaara:** ::Is now glaring horribly at Menolly1019 for being brought into the fic and then ignored for a long time::

**Menolly1019:** I'M MELTING, I'M MELTING!

::giggles:: Don't worry Gaara, we'll get you moving soon.

**Shikamaru:** Yeah, didn't you realize that I was the link that was going to allow the rest of the sand siblings to show up? It's so obvious. ::shrugs::

**Menolly1019:** ::mutters indignantly:: Only for a genius. Great going! Now they know what's going to happen.

**Chouji:** Crunch, crunch.

**Ino:** I need to get Sakura to the hospital to make sure her brain hasn't blown a gasket. Are you guys coming?

::puts hands on hips::

**Chouji:** ::crunches in an agreeable way::

**Shikamaru:** The other sand siblings haven't shown up yet, so I'm stuck here still.

**Ino:** If I didn't know better, I'd say you liked another blonde better than me.

**Naruto:** ::gags:: What!?

**Sasuke:** Aahh. Shut up. Unn. She means Temari.

**Naruto:** Ooh. I get it. Aahh.

**Menolly1019:** WHAT DID I SAY BEFORE, YOU TWO?

**Temari:** Oh really?

::flies in on fan with Kankurou like Kagura from Inuyasha::

**Kankurou:** Yo. I'd rather be playing with my dolls…uh…puppets, but Temari dragged me here.

**Chouji:** ::snickers:: Crunch.

**Shikamaru:** I guess we can go now that they've shown up.

**Menolly1019:** Sure, I never really wanted you to stick around anyway. You're too lazy. There aren't enough lines to write for you.

**Temari:** I'm coming too- ::Gaara glares at her:: On second thought, we'll take care of baby bro first.

**Kankurou:** ::watches and mentally slaps himself over the doll slip-up while Temari does some weird sand stuff to free Gaara::

**Gaara:** I'm…finally free. I'M GETTING OUT OF THIS MAD HOUSE!

::runs off into woods screaming::

**Menolly1019:** Huh, guess he was more unstable than we thought.

**Temari:** We're not in a house dumba-star-star- schwick!

**Kankurou:** Even when little panda's upset, he still hears everything and has awesome aim. ::yanks shuriken out of Temari's fan where it has pinned it to a tree::

**Temari:** I think...I might faint. :does good imitation of Hikaru from Hikaru no Go (boy, is that kid attached to his fan) which means she cries hysterically over her fan:: It was my one and only!

**Sasuke:** ::thinks 'damn stars'::

**Kankurou:** ::leads Temari off:: Hey, I'm your fan too. Oww!

**Temari:** Don't look at me. I didn't hit you even if that was too corny for you to be allowed to live.

**Gaara:** ::way off in distance:: Wasn't me.

**Menolly1019:** I'm innocent. Really!

::backs down at disbelieving stares:: Okay, about this at least.

**Raidou:** I only hit Genma and he's a little…preoccupied right now. Aah.

**Naruto and Sasuke:** ::are obviously too involved to have done anything::

**Kankurou:** ::glances at puppet on his back:: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

**Temari:** I told you. Damnit Kankurou!

::dodges blow from puppet:: I told you the stupid doll was going to come to life and be evil!

**Kankurou:** IT'S NOT A DOLL! Oh, who am I kidding. It doesn't matter if it's a doll or not anyway. It's trying to kill us!

::runs away with Temari while still fighting the dol-puppet::

**Menolly1019:** That's been everybody, right? All the big characters have shown- oh. Oh no. No. Damn, I forgot them.

**Jiraiya and Tsunade:** What do you mean?! How can you forget the sannin?

**Menolly1019:** There are just so many young ninja that it's hard to remember the older ones. ::sweatdrops::

**Tsunade:** I'm not old! Look at me.

**Naruto:** ::finds concentration to respond:: You're not fooling anyone Baa-chan!

::quickly loses concentration::

**Jiraiya:** ::mumbling to self:: I swear I thought there were some co-ed baths around here.

**Tsunade:** WHAT! YOU SAID THERE'D BE GAMBLING! AND BOOZE!

**Shizune:** Tsunade-sama, you know that's bad for you. And yes, before you ask, I followed you here. Why didn't you hear me arrive? I am a ninja after all! Come, we're leaving. ::turns around and struts off::

**Jiraiya:** Ever wonder why we listen to her? She's a lot weaker than we are, you know.

**Tsunade:** But scary. Really scary. She's like Iruka that way. ::trudges off with Jiraiya in tow::

**Menolly1019:** Now I think we're really finished. Why have so many people been coming through here anyway? Doesn't matter. It's finally getting to the good part!

::stares raptly at Naruto and Sasuke with a dreamy expression while various pleasurable acts are performed::

_In another, more cloudy place:_

**Yondaime and Sandaime:** ::chuckle up in Heaven where they are watching::

**Yondaime:** Little does my son know that he's giving up his virginity in the middle of a public park in the heart of Konoha!

::shakes head sadly::

**Sandaime:** I'd say giving up his virginity is a little too much to say. They aren't to that point quite yet. Don't worry, Naruto won't do anything he's not ready for.

**Yondaime:** Huh?

::scratches head in confusion:: Naruto? Who's that?

**Sandaime:** ::face faults but doesn't get hurt because he lands on clouds:: The one you sealed the Ninetails into? Your son? Any of this ring a bell?

**Yondaime:** Oh, him. He's not my son. Sasuke is. ::shrugs::

**Sandaime:** ::would have face faulted again had he ever gotten up from the first one:: But you don't look anything alike!

**Yondaime:** So he dies his hair black. He is emo you know. And his mother had black eyes. ::looks off into distance::

**Sandaime:** Oh boy. I did not know this. I think I might…have to hurl. ::bends over to side and heaves::

**Haku and Zabuza:** ::happily having sex in the background, much like Raidou and Genma::

**Sandaime:** Wait a minute? Black eyes. Tell me it's not- ::stops in horror of thought::

**Yondaime:** It was Anko all right. And you know what's creepy? This isn't the first time my pairing with Anko has been thought of. It's wrong and it shouldn't happen, but it does.

**Sandaime:** I guess Ibiki was pretty pissed.

**Yondaime:** ::shudders:: You have no idea. If he does THAT only because a friend is dating you, imagine what he would do if you broke her heart.

**Sandaime:** So, the Ninetails-

**Yondaime:** Yes, it was just a reason to get away from Anko and not be blamed for dying. I don't want Ibiki coming for me in the afterlife either.

**Sandaime:** So, by mentioning Ibiki, we've basically come up with all the other characters that our tired author cares to put in this fic, right?

**Yondaime:** Right. Bye everyone!

_Meanwhile, at the annual Naruto's Villain's Convention:_

**Itachi:** Menolly1019 thinks she can get away without mentioning any of the bad guy main characters, doesn't she?

**Deidara:** That's just wrong, yeah.

**Sasori:** We have to break those two up somehow, they're unstoppable together.

**Zetsu:** Who? Genma and Raidou?

**Tobi:** No, no. Sasuke and Naruto. ::jumps up and down hyperly::

**Kisame:** How come Tobi gets a :: thing when the rest of us don't?

**Shadowy Akatsuki Leader:** Shut up, all of you. You're giving me a headache.

**Orochimaru:** Hey, is this the annual Naruto Villain's Convention?

**Kabuto: **Looks like it. How come Zabuza and Haku aren't considered villains? Or Ibiki for that matter?

**Tayuya:** They're there to teach important moral lessons. Plus Ibiki's still Leaf even if he IS scary as sh-star-t.

**Sasuke:** ::rolls over in exhausted sleep (guess what from!):: Stars in the middle now. ::mumbles and falls still::

**Jiroubo:** Makes sense to me!

**Ukon:** I don't care about them. I want the Kiba brat!

**Sakon:** And the dog, Akamaru, too. Evil mutt.

**Orochimaru:** Uh, seems like Menolly1019 has forgotten the rest of the Sound four (more like 6). So that's all folks!

::gnaws on carrot:: Dun dun dun dun dun DUN!

Whoops, it was Porky, not Bugs, that did the closing for Looney Tunes. And he stuttered. Oh well.

THE END

_**A/N:** I actually got the inspiration for this crackfic when I was writing a review for __**A Little Less Than Forgotten. **__That's a fic by __**myfailsafe**__. If you want to see the original, go there. It's all written on the review which is probably one of the longest ones ever written. The craziness can be explained by me being me and by the fact that I finished this at 5:30 in the morning. _

_The thunderbolt that Shino commented on was a real one actually. It was raining here and my dog bolted into my room when he heard the thunder. Just so you know._

_If you want to, I would suggest getting the __**Vanilla Ice Ninja Turtle Rap**__. The original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles rock and the song is awesome._

_Anything else you want to know might be found on my profile. Review if you want, but don't if you don't._

Post Date for Chapter: 8-14-07


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